The history of gaslighting women & its effect on our mental health.

I'm glad I have a sarcastic sense of humour, otherwise I think I’d be constantly going mad.

In the Dark is a BBC TV Drama with MyAnna Buring playing a pregnant detective Helen Weeks. There’s a scene where she is being dismissed by her husband with a classic sentence: ‘Darling, take it easy, your hormones are raging all over your body’. I remember, I burst out laughing on hearing it. Maybe because it is so acutely spot-on, this everyday sexism, gaslighting and belittling encapsulated in one sentence. This matter-of-fact dismissal of our mental state... because we dare to have hormones.

Okay, let’s rewind, and start from the beginning.

What is gaslighting? It is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity. The name comes from the 1938 play and subsequent 1944 film Gaslight, which features a husband’s systematic psychological manipulation of his wife, which eventually leads to her questioning her own sanity.

However, gaslighting is not a last century phenomenon, it has been used as a tool of oppression against women for centuries. We don’t have to dig deep to see the narrative of women – hormones – mental health everywhere. I’m talking here about Hysteria - the first mental disorder attributed to women dating back more than 4,000 years. The term Hysteria derives from the Greek word for ‘uterus’ – a (fake) diagnosis unique to any owner of a womb.

D.M. Bourneville and P. Régnard; Montage: 1 & 2 Attitudes Passionnelles, 3 Debut d'une Attaque, 4 Hystéro-Épilepsie Attaque; Wikipedia

The basic premise between hysteria & gaslighting is the same: women are emotionally volatile and unpredictable because they are ruled by their hormones. There’s still this pervasive belief in the medical community that anytime a woman complains about her health, it’s either related to her hormones or it is all in her head.

It was once a common diagnosis for women, applied whenever women displayed “inappropriate” emotions such as anxiety or anger. It has been employed to undermine women's confidence and control their behaviour.

Sounds familiar?

How often when a woman gets angry is she then asked if she’s about to get her period? Surely, she must be hormonal?!

Our hormones aren’t making us anxious or upset—these condescending attitudes are. [1]

Similarly, when a perimenopausal woman goes to a doctor’s office to complain about weight gain, only to be told that it’s related to hormones. Hormones can contribute to body composition changes, but they’re usually not the root cause.

Yes, as your estrogen levels go down during menopause, you might start storing more abdominal fat—but there are many things that we can do to combat this. Hormones affect us, but we’re not at their mercy!

Now, can hormonal changes cause mood changes, anxiety, or anger? Absolutely. But using “hormones” as the default answer isn’t acceptable.

Neither is the condescending nature of dismissing woman’s health concerns, insisting that she is overreacting, irrational or that the pain ‘is in her head’. Again, I don’t need to dig deep – it takes an average 7.5 years to get a diagnosis of endometriosis. [2]

We are often told that pain is something that we simply need to learn to live through. Another exasperating example of medical gaslighting is “Sarah Szczypinski, a journalist in Seattle, who began experiencing knee pain and swelling after giving birth to her son. One doctor told her she had postpartum depression, while another told her she needed to lose weight and do squats — when in fact she was suffering from hip dysplasia exacerbated by her pregnancy.”[3]

Physicians have long dismissed or downplayed women's sexual- and reproductive-health concerns – the same thing goes for menopausal women. A landmark study based on data from the largest ever survey of menopausal and peri-menopausal women in the UK uncovers the stigma many women face, with 41% saying they have seen menopause or menopause symptoms treated as a joke by people at work. [4]

I don’t know about you but for me the simple notion of not being believed would have a profound impact on my mental health, leading to feelings of confusion, anxiety, and depression. And in fact, women who have experienced gaslighting may also struggle with low self-esteem, self-doubt, and a sense of isolation.

So, what can we do about it?

1) Start by listening to the Wise Woman in you. If you spend long enough listening to your body and to your intuition you will know when something is wrong. That habit of knowing who you are and what’s best for you is not a quick fix, it’s rather an ongoing process. When we come from the space of hurrying and fear, we’re in the space of confusion. Anxiety might be a better word. So, start listening to your body, spend time in silence without the cacophony of noises of everyone else’s opinion. The Wise Woman knows. Oftentimes we are our own best healers.

2) Write down all your symptoms, especially if you are seeking menopause treatment, and show it to your physician to see if the two of you can figure out the bigger picture.

3) Get a second opinion if you are being ignored or your doctor refuses to run more tests. Remember, you are the Wise Woman, you know your body best. If something bothers you, you need to speak up for yourself.

4) Don’t feel guilty about getting a second opinion – you are not betraying your current doctor. He / she is not your spouse!

5) Ask to be referred to a specialist.

6) Seek support and validation from trusted friends, family members, support groups or women's circles.

7) Don’t give up, keep asking questions and once again, I can’t say it enough: listen to the Wise Woman in you, she knows that it is NOT JUST IN YOUR HEAD.

Since we're on the topic of gaslighting, medical community, Big Pharma, or in the below case: the business of medical devices (think: big bucks $400 billion industry), I'd recommend watching The Bleeding Edge on Netflix. Especially if you have any implanted birth control devices, hip replacement devices and/or you've heard of the scandalous vaginal mesh device that injured multiple women.

Don't get me wrong, I don't even try to analyse or dispute any of the above mentioned technological medical devices here, nor the lax regulations, corporate cover-ups, and profit-driven incentives to push those products on the market.

But rather, the typical gaslighting of women when something goes wrong.

[1] Gaslighting in women’s health: No, it’s not just in your head. Katz Institute for Women’s Health [2] It takes an average 7.5 years to get a diagnosis of endometriosis – it shouldn’t. Endometriosis UK [3] Women Are Calling Out ‘Medical Gaslighting, The New York Times [4] Landmark Stud: Menopausal Woman Let Down by Empolyers and Healthcare Providers, The Fawcett Society Author: Women and Equalities Committee Find this document here.