Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
-Mark Twain
There was a time in my early 20s, where I found myself numbing, what it seemed at the time, the impossible existence of being me (and running away from my drinking Mother) with a big dose of speed and E. It was also numbing my eating disorder so double points there.
Sometimes I’d party from Friday to Sunday. Once I went straight from a techno marathon to sit an exam at my University on Monday. I passed it if you must know.
The techno club was my home. My friends there were my adopted family. Nevermind we could never strike a meaningful conversation as we were all totally off our heads. But the illusion was gold.
I eventually confessed to my Father about my weekend endeavours and he wasn’t mad. He just said one thing: ‘Your drug addict buddies are not your friends’.
It stroke a cord. That’s true. If it wasn’t for the drugs, we would have nothing in common. In fact, I’d be probably looking at them with the same disgust as I was at my drunk Mother.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
Because of the trauma of alcoholism in my family, I hadn’t had one glass of wine or beer until I was 25.
But then I moved to London and started working in the City. In Poland we never drink during the week, it’s just not a done thing.
Here you start the weekend… whenever. If it’s not Thirsty Thursday or Thursday Is The New Friday or ‘It’s been a hard day’ or ‘It’s been a great day’ – there is always an excuse to numb.
Of course I started to join in, how can one not? It’s part of the culture. The pull of the big group and the need to be accepted and liked and ‘I can drink like a man’ skewed patriarchal bullshit was magnetising.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
When you look at people who drink, when you are not, they’re ugly. The slurry words, the same trivial topics being talked about again and again, it’s boring. Honestly, when you take the time to pause and reflect, no thank you.
I want to spend time with people who inspire me, who can teach me how to perhaps look at the world from a different point of view. Slurring boring people are not my friends.
And yet, the pull of the herd mentality, the crowd psychology is so huge. Especially when we’re lonely or different or perhaps not that interesting ourselves.
The idea of belonging is so alluring, it can be stupefying. We’ll do anything to belong. If everyone in the group is doing it, it’s okay.
Just look at the case of Gisèle Pelicot. She was drugged to sleep by her husband who then recruited men to rape her. Not once. No. For over 10 years over 80 men from the same village came and raped her and nobody thought this unusual.
Not even one of these men felt it wrong and alarmed the Police. Not one!
Similarly, last month’s riots: the majority of people who took part in them would never participate in this shameful violent behaviour on their own. But since a big group of people was doing it – in fact that was some of these people’s explanation - it must be all right. Is it?!
Well, how do you think fascism started?
And why do you think so many people consume the flesh of animals despite calling themselves ‘animal lovers’? Because doing otherwise it would mean to question the status quo, to take time to pause and reflect. To not be part of the majority. To be different. So let’s be 'cool'. Let's be like everyone else. Best not to think about it. Numb it. After all (group) ignorance is bliss.
And why do you think so many people do stuff out of Fear Of Missing Out? Fear is a space that resides deep in the guts of the Sympathetic Nervous System. When we’re in this state it’s almost impossible to access our logical thinking. Therefore, by definition, FOMO is a sign of stupidity. Yeah, I said it.
Whenever you find yourself… pause and reflect.
It’s a sobering (pun intended) way of looking at the world when you start detaching yourself from the group mentality.
Are these my values? Is this how I want to live my life? Is this how I want to be remembered?
If we live by the FOMO rules, or the group mentality rules (to belong no matter what), how can we say that we live a life that’s truly ours?
So next time you take the time to pause and reflect, ask yourself this question:
Is this something that I truly believe, or is this something that I was taught?
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
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